Trust Your Gut, Log the Details: How to Stay Aware and Protected Against Stalking

When we hear the word “stalking,” many of us still picture a stranger lurking in the bushes in a dark overcoat. But the reality is far more insidious—and far more common.

The vast majority of stalkers are not strangers. They are ex-partners, acquaintances, or coworkers. And they don’t just operate in the shadows; they operate in plain sight, using a slow, methodical campaign of fear to strip away a victim’s sense of safety.

When it comes to understanding and combating this crime, few people have seen the dark reality of it quite like Lt. Mark Wynn. A retired Nashville Police Lieutenant and a pioneering expert in domestic violence and stalking response, Lt. Wynn spent decades on the front lines. His training for law enforcement and advocates has saved countless lives by changing how we view this crime.

Here is how to apply Lt. Wynn’s life-saving teachings to stay aware, stay protected, and reclaim your power.

1. Understand That Stalking is a "Continuum of Violence"

One of Lt. Wynn’s most critical teachings is that stalking does not happen in a vacuum. It is part of a continuum of violence. It rarely starts with a physical assault; it starts with boundary testing.

A stalker might begin by sending unwanted texts, showing up uninvited to your workplace, or leaving gifts on your car. Society often minimizes these behaviors, labeling them as "annoying" or a sign of "persistent love."

Lt. Wynn teaches us to call it what it is: a premeditated tactic of power and control. If you ignore the early red flags, the storer learns that the consequences for their behavior are zero. The behavior will escalate. Do not wait for it to become physically violent to take it seriously.

2. Reject the "Minimization" Trap

Victims of stalking are conditioned—by the stalker, by society, and sometimes even by well-meaning friends—to minimize what is happening to them.

“He’s just in love with me.” “I don’t want to make a big deal out of it.” “The police won't do anything anyway.”

Lt. Wynn’s advice is radical in its simplicity: Trust your instincts. If someone’s behavior is making you feel fearful, intimidated, or watched, your gut is telling you the truth. You do not need to have a bloody nose or a broken window to justify feeling unsafe. Fear itself is the weapon, and you have the right to defend yourself against it.

3. Keep a "Stalking Log" (The Right Way)

If there is one practical takeaway from Lt. Wynn’s curriculum, it is the absolute necessity of documentation. When you go to the police, an officer is looking for evidence of a pattern, not just an isolated incident. "He's been bothering me" is hard to act on. A detailed log is actionable.

Keep a physical notebook (not just on your phone, which can be compromised or lost) and record every single incident. Lt. Wynn stresses that a good log includes:

• Date, time, and location.

• Exact words spoken or written (e.g., "I saw you at the grocery store at 6 PM. You looked pretty in that blue dress.")

• Witnesses: Who else saw this happen?

• How it made you feel: Document your physical fear (e.g., "My hands were shaking, I was afraid to leave the building").

• Police report numbers for every call you make, even if an arrest isn't made.
  

4. Recognize That Technology is a Weapon

Stalkers thrive on access. Lt. Wynn frequently highlights how modern stalkers use technology to track, monitor, and terrorize. You must assume the stalker is watching your digital footprint.

• Turn off location services on social media (don't "check in" anywhere).

• Change your passwords and ensure your email accounts have two-factor authentication.

• Do not interact. If a stalker texts or calls 50 times, and on the 51st time you finally answer and yell, "Stop calling me!"—the stalker counts that as a win. You rewarded the behavior. Block, mute, and document instead.
  

5. Tell Everyone: Break the Silence

Stalkers rely on isolation. They want you to feel cut off, embarrassed, or crazy. Lt. Wynn’s protocol for victims is simple: Blow their cover.

Tell your neighbors: "I have a restraining order against this man. If you see him near my house, call 911 immediately." Tell your boss and the receptionist at your workplace. Provide them with a photo of the stalker. Tell your gym, your dry cleaner, and your family. The more eyes you have on your environment, the harder it is for the stalker to operate in the shadows.

6. Partner with the Right Resources

Because stalking is so complex, local police departments don't always have the specialized training to handle it perfectly on the first try. Lt. Wynn urges victims to connect with domestic violence advocates in their area. Advocates understand the law, they understand Lt. Wynn’s protocols, and they will go with you to the police station to ensure your report is taken seriously and your stalking log is properly filed.

If you or someone you know is being stalked, you are not crazy, you are not alone, and it is not your fault.

Resources for Immediate Help:

• The Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC): stalkingawareness.org (Incredible resources for building a safety plan and stalking logs).

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text "START" to 88788. They can connect you with local advocates.

• Victim Connect Resource Center: 1-855-4-VICTIM (842-8463).

• If you are in immediate danger, always call 911.

As Lt. Mark Wynn has proven through decades of work: When women are armed with the right information, when they document fiercely, and when they refuse to be silenced, they can dismantle the power of a stalker and get their lives back.